22 reasons why sex in your twenties is way better then sex in your teens

OK, so now you’ve got a decade of experience behind you, so obviously its going to be better, but here’s 22 other reasons why sex in your twenties is so much better than in your teens…

1. You get to have sex in a double bed like a grown up, rather than trying to balance on a single one. Whoop.
2. You don’t have to stifle your noises for fear that your parents might become aware of the fact you are now sexually active.
3. You also don’t have to try and hide any suspect stains. Or try and run a wash and dry cycle on the washing machine when your parents have popped to Sainsbury’s.
4. Going to the doctors to ask for contraception is no longer as scary as asking the Queen whether she prefers missionary or doggie.
5. You don’t have to have 12 bottles of WKD before you feel comfortable enough to kiss a member of the opposite sex.
6. You’re now safe in the knowledge that you’re not the only one who sometimes zones out for whole episodes to think about taxes/Hollyoaks/dinner.
7. After a one night stand you now only suffer from five days of intense emotional turmoil rather than five months.
8. You’re comfortable enough with your body to not live in fear of removing your baby pink padded bra.
9. You now know that 20 minutes of continuous finger pumping will not achieve an orgasm. Although it can definitely give you a hefty dose of cystitis.
10. You don’t have to copy all the weird sex positions from Nuts and Zoo. Mostly because grown men don’t actually read them, but also, because you only ever rotate between about three positions now.
11. You no longer live in fear of having sex within a week of your period (because he’d definitely dump you if he found out you menstruated and a bit went on his willy), because what’s a bit of blood/brown stuff between a man and a woman, eh?
12. You (hopefully) don’t buy cherry massage oil from Ann Summers anymore to ‘make it more fun’, because you’re classier than that now, sort of.
13. You also no longer believe diamante thongs are sexy, thank goodness.
14. You’ve had an actual real orgasm, not just a feeling of needing to wee that might have been one but you’re not sure.
15. Because if you actually did get pregnant, you wouldn’t have to juggle a baby with hanging out in the sixth form common room, and that’s exciting, right?
16. You’ve finally got over your belief that you’re sh*t at giving a blow job.
17. You’ve got the confidence to tell him that if he puts it anywhere near your bum then the game is very much over, rather than hoping and praying he doesn’t just attempt it.
18. You don’t worry that you’re the fattest girl he’s even seen naked, because a) you’re probably not and b) who gives an actual f**k?
19. You don’t believe blueberry and chocolate condoms are an integral part of sexual intercourse anymore.
20. You don’t have to open all the windows, smooth out the bed sheets and redo your hair and make-up immediately afterwards to hide from your family the fact you just had sex.
21. You get to have sex in exciting places in your home. Like on the sofa while watching Downton.
22. And the most bloomin’ exciting part of all? You can actually tell what’s good and what’s so bad it’s worth just saying, ‘No, babes. Let’s just leave this here.’ Thank Christ.