The Diary Of A KcB Visitor: I Dated the Man With the Smallest Penis in the World

Dear KcB,

Pretty much every guy I've ever dated or boned (aside from erectile dysfunctional dude) couldn't wait to jump into puss-say land.  Face first, dick all in, wonderful hand-jobs- you name it.   But my small penised boyfriend happily fell asleep beside my buzzing body each night we spent together.
Instead of wondering what the fuck was wrong with him, I wondered what was wrong with me that he didn't want me. Duh.  He had major penis stage fright.  He may have been a virgin for all I know, or he was super afraid his dick wouldn't even be long enough to penetrate the hole of wonder.  Ugh.  Poor guy.

Of those few glorious months together, my strongest memories (aside from the time I pooped my pants when he was at my house) are of lying next to him as we turned the lights off, praying he would fondle any part of my body.  A kiss, a dry-hump or two-- I was dying to be man-handled, and this Vienna sausage motherfucker just couldn't do the job.
We eventually broke up.  It was amicable, but his parting words stick in my mind.  He said something that I don't remember, but it basically translated into "Please, for the love of Christ, don't tell people how small my cock is".  I only told a few people, 'cause a girl can't keep that secret when her heart is angry, but this is my first public mention of the small penis debauchery.
He has a couple of kids now so I guess his dick can reach up in there. Every so often, though, I wonder how they have sex?  I wonder if his wife enjoys it.  Don't get me wrong, my heart sort-of goes out to him and his baby-thumbed stump, but our time together was enough to make me have yucky feelings towards him, so I'm not that sorry.
Advice to all of the penis-challenged men out there:  Figure out how the fuck to use your mouth and your fingers and your lady will probably forgive the tiny dick.  Fuck-it, purchase a nice fluorescent pink dildo and fuck her with that.  Face facts and learn to use the other tools at your disposal and you'll be set.
A tiny dick doesn't mean you can't be a good lover, just like having a clan of the cave bear-sized vagina doesn't mean you can't still please your man.  Just own it and make due.