Where does sex start from? -Funmi Akingbade

This is essential if couples are to enjoy the sexual experience. If one of the couple is embarrassed either about one defect or the other in his or her body, such spouse will not be able to appreciate the erotic sensations their bodies are capable of. However, it does get easier as couples get to know each other and relax in each other’s presence.

Do not forget that sex is meant to be fun; it is not an occasion to be too serious. Take your time, talk to each other and enjoy taking it in turns to discover those erogenous zones.

Many couples do not enjoy continued sexual stimulation after orgasm.

This is because many men and women find that, after orgasm, the head of the penis and the clitoris can become extremely sensitive and further stimulation can be painful. Such hypersensitivity is caused by increased blood flow to the area. Before couples can resume sexual activity, both need to rest a while. Men have a “refractory period,” following ejaculation. During this phase which varies in length from individual to individual, it is impossible for the man to achieve another erection. Most women do not have a refractory period and, unless they experience clitoral hypersensitivity, they are capable of immediately enjoying further sexual stimulation. This is why researchers advise that eating a lot of leafy green spinach vegetable can contribute to a better sex life, as well as great health, because it has a great source of vitamin b6 and folic acid. It also has passion-boosting zinc. Banana contains bromelain enzyme that is vital for sex hormones production and is rich in potassium and B-vitamins. This can boost sexual performance in addition; pumpkin seeds are rich in essential fatty acids and zinc both crucial for the production of sex hormones.

Women who have undergone genital mutilation can achieve orgasm as many times as possible. Genital mutilation is a procedure to remove the clitoris due to cultural beliefs. Because the clitoris is so fundamental to female sexual pleasure, it can be difficult for a woman who has undergone an excision to experience orgasm. However, she should not give up: it is still possible for her to achieve orgasm.

Even if the entire clitoris has been removed, stimulation of other erogenous zones may still be enough to result in orgasm. However, as is the case for all women, the best guarantee of sexual success is a marriage relationship in which you feel comfortable, happy and secure.

All erogenous zones develop during childhood and studies have shown that those children, who enjoy physical contact with their parents when growing up, have more fulfilling sex lives as adults. However, I am talking about appropriate physical contact and not sexual stimulation! A child needs affection in order to thrive well as an adult. The kisses, cuddles and hugs he or she gets from the parents will naturally make him or her more responsive to affectionate touches. More importantly, however, they will help engender feelings of security and self-confidence so that they feel loved and accepted for what they are. Moreover, it is this feeling of security and self-confidence, rather than any physical response to touch, that will help them achieve a happy and satisfying sex life.

Many people have their first experience of sex from dreams. Although many young adults confuse this with night emission and masturbation, dreams about having sex are very frequent and most common. The percentage of men and women that report having sex in their dreams before they start experimenting normal penetrative sex is almost the same. The principal reason for this has been attributed to spiritual forces and also addictive watching of pornography and the like. Researchers also speculate that odours and taste buds have a stronger effect on individual sexuality and sexual performance than other external stimuli because the sense of smell is linked directly to parts of the brain associated with fantasies and erotic trigger. People with high taste bud tend to easily think of sex and get aroused by kisses and tasting the vulva or semen. Some who have good odour perceptions not only easily think of sex but are easily triggered sexually by just smelling underwear or boxers.

Pregnancy sometimes makes some women to think more of sex than usual. They tend to have greater recall of their sexual feelings and libidonal preferences than when they were not pregnant. Experts say this is caused by changes in hormone levels during pregnancy and because pregnant women sleep more. Studies have shown that people who were born blind have more sexual instincts than some visual sound people.

Some men however may have difficulty in recognising where sex starts from due to nerve damages in the penis region. Nerve damage to the penis may cause loss of sensation or numbness, making it harder to determine where sex starts from. Many of such men with nerve damage say that their sense of sensuality feels dulled, as if they are always wearing condom on their penis. Some even find certain sexual positions or activities painful. Nerve damage may also make the prostate overly sensitive. Some men do experience pain from bed sheets draped lightly over their body. In addition to dulling sense of erotic touch, nerve damage in the penis can result in muscle weakness of the area between the penis and the anus. This is one of the major reasons for erectile dysfunction, weak erection and loss of libido.

Nerve damage to penis causes painful ejaculation and sometimes numbness that may prevent orgasm. Men with penis nerve damage sometimes injure themselves during sex without realising it. It is good to know that many conditions such as un-noticed and untreated diabetes, shingles, STD infection and premature ejaculation with addictive masturbation may also cause injury and nerve pain, while some men develop nerve pain for no known reason, but there are treatments available for all.

Questions and Answer

How do I know my partner-to-be has STD?

I have a worrisome problem at hand. Is it easy to tell if one’s partner-to-be has an STD infection? Can one get herpes infection by sharing a glass of water with an infected fellow? If an individual is tested negative to STD or HIV and has not had any sexual contact, can such individual be tested positive few months after? Don’t you think it is better to wear two condoms to double protect oneself against a partner you are not sure is cheating? Finally, are there vaccines against STD? Can one be cured permanently? I am suspicious of my wife cheating on me but I don’t have proof, help me.

Osborne Chinedu

You might notice a rash, sores, or redness around the vulva area. But it may surprise you that people with STDs don’t always have symptoms. You can’t know for sure unless that fellow is tested. There is a possibility of contracting herpes infection because saliva spreads the virus that causes oral herpes. So there’s a chance it can be passed by glasses, straws, utensils, or lip balm and lipsticks. Don’t share these, especially if you or your partner have cold sores or blisters. A negative test result means you’re in the clear. It means the STD wasn’t in your body at the time of the test. Infections caused by a virus like herpes, HPV and HIV can take as long as three months to show up after you’ve been exposed. A follow-up test in three more months will let you know for sure. Wearing two condoms at a go may sound super-safe, but wearing two condoms doesn’t double your protection. Instead, they can rub against each other, causing friction. That can make the condoms break or tear, which means you’re not protected at all. Doctors can cure some STDs, like gonorrhoea and staphylococcus   if promptly detected, with medication. Others like herpes and HIV stay with one forever, but there’s medicine to help with the symptoms. The best way to have proofs is to do thorough examination.

While I can’t shed weight, my twin sister can’t add

I am a twin in my menopausal stage. The challenge I have is that I find it so difficult to lose weight while my twin sister finds it difficult to gain weight. What is wrong here?

Mrs Timothy Bukola

Menopause is when a woman stops having menstrual periods. It happens around age 51, on average. Around the same age, many people, women and men find that they’re gaining weight. The biggest reason for the extra pounds is a slower metabolism and less muscle mass, not menopause. Exercise still helps! Metabolism starts to slow down when a lady is in her 20s. Women burn about 150 fewer calories per day but when they are in their premenopausal stage, because the body starts to shift its makeup by that time, more fat and less muscle is noticed especially when one is not active. Muscles burn more calories than fat, so if a woman lets go of her muscles, she won’t burn as many calories as she used to. Difference in gene may be the reason your twin never gains excessive weight.

How about morning erection?

I was in a summit last week where some friends were arguing that early morning erection is not important to good sexual life, and that as you age, you should not look forward to experiencing morning erection anymore. Please, is this true?

Mr Stanley Jeremiah

Early morning erection is an indication that all is well although men have several night time erections. On average, a sexually healthy man has three to five erections during a full night’s sleep, with each erection lasting 25-35 minutes. It is common for men to wake up with an erection, informally called “morning glory.” This is in fact the last in the series of night time erections. The cause of night time erections is not fully understood. However, studies suggest they are closely associated with the phase of sleep known as REM (rapid eye movement) sleep. This is when dreaming is most common. Whatever their cause, most sex therapists agree that night time erections are a sign that everything is in working order. When men do not experience this, they need to visit a sex therapist.